FEAR
Fear is an interesting energy. We all seem to suffer from it from time to time (and sometimes more often…), and although we don’t like being afraid, many people are almost addicted to experiencing fear in their lives. Not a day goes by that they don’t entertain a thought like “what if…” or “let’s just suppose…” or “if I don’t…[something]… then something bad will happen.” Fear appears to be quite real and, in many cases, also produces very real results.
But: is fear real or are we making a big mistake regarding its reality?
Mirage
My truth about fear is that fear is an illusion. A very powerful one for sure, but it’s still an illusion. It’s a mind game. Many, many years ago I was told that fear is nothing more than false expectations that seem real. Fear consists of a collection of thoughts in our head. They are thoughts about the future, based on what we have experienced in the past and what we think will happen in the future. But, DO WE KNOW what is going to happen in the future? Obviously we do NOT. The future has not happened yet. Besides, the past is also an illusion (that makes you think, right!). “The past” as such is no longer here. The only thing left from the past is -again- a collection of memories-thoughts of what you think has happened. My memory of the “past” is completely different from yours.
The trick is that for us to feel fear, it doesn’t matter that the future hasn’t happened yet and the past is already gone. The mere thought of an unknown future that might contain more of the things we have already experienced and disliked is enough for our brain to order the secretion of various neurochemicals in our body that make us feel fear. The thought is the illusion, but the feeling is real. The combined thoughts and feelings create our focus, and our focus determines what we will experience in life. This means that if we remain fearful long or strongly enough, what we fear can become our reality. That’s the power of focus! Or again, in the words of one of my teachers: We are what we think; what we think is what we focus on, and what we focus on is what we get.
Aid
So what about that illusion, then? Well, if you can see fear for what it really is, a thought or collection of thoughts about the future that is yet to happen that makes you feel a certain way, then you can take charge of your thoughts and create a different future. : a more pleasant and less fearful. If thoughts create feelings, and if thoughts and feelings create your reality, then it’s pretty self-evident that you’d better choose thoughts about a prosperous and happy future, isn’t it? That’s where the power of consciously choosing your thoughts comes from!
I hear people say: if fear is an illusion, isn’t everything else I think about the future also an illusion? Well, yes, actually it is. But given the choice, which illusion would you rather be in? One that makes you feel bad or one that makes you feel great? I know where I would like to be!
Set a benchmark
Firstly: identify the thoughts that make you feel afraid. What are you thinking and why? What must be an underlying belief about yourself that causes you to project these kinds of thoughts? When you can identify your fear-creating thoughts, you immediately weaken their hold on you!
in second place: For every fearful thought you might have, ask yourself: were there times when this thought didn’t turn out to be true? The more evidence you can find, the less influential the fear thought will be; you undermine its power over you.
In third place: Choose to have different thoughts about the topic that scares you. Choose affirmations that go directly against the fear and stick with them. Don’t let your mind dwell on old fearful thoughts. The more you can “think of yourself,” the less grip the old thought will have on you.
Finally: To take action!! Create new honoring and effective beliefs about the future with your coach. If fear is an illusion, you don’t have to believe it! Design an action plan in which you deliberately do the things you fear (gently!), and take careful note of what happens when you get to the “other side.” Feels pretty good, right? Nothing to fear, right? That is one more unpleasant illusion gone!
Get me right here: fear can be very functional and a great driver for action. For example: if I see a crocodile in the water I’m swimming in, boy, I’ll swim! Same thing if you were in a house on fire. I’d get out of there right away! That’s functional fear, and it’s very useful.
The thing about fear, however, is that much of it is based on thoughts about a possible future. That is dysfunctional fear. And that’s where it gets ugly, because we don’t know what the future holds. We only have assumptions and ideas (often negative) about it. And why would we want to focus on negative assumptions and ideas when we can just as validly focus on the good things in life?
Go well, think well, feel well and be well.
Mark of Bruin.