When do we act with true compassion and when do we think we are being compassionate but really only tolerate or follow bad behavior because we want to be a good person, a good friend, or a good partner? If you think that being compassionate means accepting people where they are and at the same time forgiving, accepting, enabling or excusing their bad behavior, that is not compassion at all, but an affront to your soul.
Chela Davison calls this kind of compassion “Idiot Compassion.” She says “Idiot compassion says” Let it be. We are all the same. This behavior comes from ignorance. Love anyway. “Idiot compassion paralyzes. Allow. He hides on the sidelines and nods. Idiot compassion is ignorance dressed in love clothes.” In other words, when we exercise “idiotic compassion” we think that we are giving something good to another by feeling sorry for them and their circumstances, but what we are really doing is aligning ourselves with their bad decisions and attitudes when we know more and by doing so. that’s why we sacrifice our own common sense and integrity. Our souls suffer.
So what does true compassion look like? Davison writes: Compassion says, “Let it move. Be aware. This behavior stems from ignorance. Choose the right action. Love while you do it.” Compassion is active. Elevate. Ask. Illuminate … Compassion is felt and runs through. “In other words, when you recognize that someone is misbehaving, true compassion recognizes the ignorance, fear, intolerance towards others that drives it, really the lack of self-awareness or self-esteem and calls. the person to something superior, either directly or by example. True compassion says I see you, in your state, and as I feel the incongruity of that with what my soul knows is correct, I do not approve, do not say Don’t do anything, I don’t make excuses, I don’t feel sorry for you, and I agree with your story. Instead, I chose the right action. The right action builds the voice of the soul within you and elevates your sense of integrity.
Idiot compassion says we are all the same. We are not all the same. We are not all in the same station on our journey to maturity and enlightenment. Aligning with, tolerating, and participating directly or indirectly with bad behavior tricks you into knowing and experiencing yourself to your fullest potential. It robs you of your joy and sucks you precious energy, hence life. You cannot know the truth and beauty of who you are while in the ditch with someone who feeds on your ill will. It’s okay to admit that we are not the same. You don’t owe your life, literally, I mean your minutes, hours, days, or energy to people who drag you down instead of up. If you feel exhausted, worried, confused or even scared, in the presence of another person or in some way threatened in some way for not agreeing with your sad story, you are not extending compassion at all. You are allowing them to continue, to remain stagnant, to remain ignorant, and you are denying yourself the opportunity to be in a state of joy.
You know from experience in your own life what bad behavior looks like, but just in case, here are some examples: friends who only talk about themselves and count on you to listen to their latest crisis but have no time for you when you need an ear. . , lying spouses, complainers who do nothing to change, unsolicited opinion givers, judgments, lazier co-workers, etc. The question is what does “correct behavior” look like? What steps can we take to be truly compassionate?
Here are some tips:
1. Recognize that you are practicing “idiotic compassion” with the people in your life. Notice when you agree with a bad behavior or some idea or some story, either without saying anything, tolerating or making excuses for this person. You may have to take inventory of your own bad behavior and clean up your act while cleaning up your surroundings.
2. Clarify your integrity, who and how you want to be in the world, what are your limits, limits and expectations about how you behave and what you will accept in relationships. Remember: true compassion is active, uplifting, demanding (more of yourself and others), and illuminating.
3. Ask yourself, what am I worried about if I object to this? Am I afraid of confrontation, anger, losing the relationship, looking difficult or conceited?
4. Ask yourself, what do I have to gain by turning away from this toxic behavior? Free time, more energy, less worry, confidence in who you are, less drama, less toxicity, greater integrity?
5. Stop moving on. Stop listening, accept excuses or less than the truth. Recognize when a relationship no longer fits your integrity. You can simply decide to stop spending time with someone or a group of people (gossiping, complaining, etc.). In some cases, you may have to ask someone to leave, give them a way out, or ask them to leave, it will depend on the relationship. Your soul will thank you and one of two things will happen: the person you are dealing with will either step forward and grow as a result of what they witness, or they will become someone willing to stay with them. Either way YOU WIN !!