I recently saw a tweet from a teenager who said that “feelings complicate relationships.” I totally agree with this. If we don’t get hurt in relationships, then everything will be fine. Unfortunately, wounds will always be a part of any relationship, even more so in a boy-girl relationship. These wounds can make or break you. These wounds can teach you to learn to love or lead you to hate. These wounds will affect your future relationships.
Since hurt is inevitable in a relationship, how do you deal with it? Is there a way to protect your heart from pain or at least make the pain more bearable?
The first thing I want you to understand is that the heart also has its stages of growth. The less mature and prepared you are to handle the challenges of a relationship, the more likely you are to seriously hurt yourself. The second thing I want you to keep in mind is that the closer you get to a person, the more damage they will do to you.
Let’s focus on the first for now. Although some girls mature faster than others, the growth stages of their hearts generally fall into the same category or phase during adolescence. A 14-year-old girl who starts a serious relationship with a boy is surely getting into trouble. It doesn’t matter if she’s more mature than her other 14-year-old friends. Her heart is still too young to get seriously involved with someone. I should know. I’ve been there.
I was 14 years old when I had a serious relationship with a boy four years older than me. I was always thinking about him, even when I was at school. He became a distraction for me. I missed some of my classes just because of him and passed up many opportunities in school that would have made me a better student. Things got worse when I found out he was cheating on me. It hurt so much, but I was already so involved with him. My friends couldn’t even relate to what was going on. I felt alone. Of course! What did he expect? He was too young to face all those things. He should have been enjoying my friends and getting to know other guys better. But not! I got stuck in a relationship that surely hurt me more than it made me happy.
So you may ask yourself: what if it’s not a serious relationship? My answer is: any relationship where you commit to being someone else’s can lead to a serious relationship.
Another question you can ask yourself is: What is the right age to be in a serious relationship? My answer is: when you are ready to get married.
Now don’t be surprised. I’ll explain why. And this is not just my own conclusion, but what God himself says. But before I continue, let me go back to the second thing I said earlier that I want you to keep in mind: the closer you get to a person, the more damage they will do to you.
When you are in a serious relationship, no matter how old you are, you will let your feelings take over. There is no way you can stop kissing, caressing, kissing, and eventually having sex. Surely one thing will lead to another. Even if you have the strongest self-control, your boyfriend is just a man who can be easily turned on. And because of your love for him, it’s so easy to get carried away with him. If the two of you make a commitment to each other not to have sex, how long can you sustain that?
Every girl and woman who has been physically intimate with a man has become attached to him. Everything changes when you have sex with your boyfriend, especially if he is the first. You will feel so attached to him that you will not even be able to think of separating from him. Do you know why?…because God designed sex for husband and wife in marriage, as a way to make them “one.” Sex was designed for that sole purpose. Anything out of the way it was designed will never work.
This is why a girl becomes so attached to a guy she has sex with. She establishes some soul ties with him. From her Becomes a part of her. Imagine if she has sex with several other guys. They will all become a part of her, which will lead to her other relationships and eventually her marriage.
Since sex was designed by God only for marriage, and since it’s not easy to resist sex when you’re seriously involved with someone, doesn’t it make sense to wait for a relationship when you’re already thinking about getting married?
God himself said in Song 8:4: “Do not stir up love until it pleases him.” He surely he knows us more than we know ourselves. He knows that once that love is awakened before its time, it can lead to the distortion of his sex design, which can seriously harm us.
If I hadn’t given in to sex at a very young age, and before marriage, I wouldn’t have been hurt as much as I was. I would have easily dumped my then boyfriend who cheated on me as there would be no soul ties. Better yet, if I hadn’t given in to having a boyfriend at that time, I would have been freed from all those lies and betrayals.
Sex is God’s gift to the married couple… to enjoy together. A woman’s virginity is her gift to her husband, and vice versa. This is why God warns against fornication or sex before marriage. He wants us to keep this gift so that we can enjoy it to the fullest.
So again you can ask: Do you mean I have to wait until I’m ready to get married before I can have a boyfriend? My answer is: if you can keep yourself pure and not engage in any sexual act before your marriage, then you can give it a try. However, it is still better that you wait for the right moment, to help you avoid problems that will only be obstacles and distractions to the fulfillment of the purpose that God has given you.
And if you are no longer a virgin, it is never too late to repent before God and this time, save your purity and preserve it for your future husband. It worked for me. I’m sure it will work for you too.
Now back to my first question and the very gist of this article… How do you protect your heart from damage? My final answer is: following my advice, obeying the Word of God and keeping your focus on Him.