In the early 18th century, the mathematician, astronomer, and polyglot General Isaac Newton offered his famous three laws of motion, the first of which is the best known. It basically states that a body in motion wants to stay in motion, and a body at rest wants to stay at rest, and any body will gladly do so unless acted on by an external force.

The body Newton was referring to is any basic thing: a book on the edge of a shelf, an apple on a tree. But that body can sound a bit personal at times when we think about our own tendency to move or stay still.

It’s called inertia, that tendency of something to move or stay still unless another force acts on it. When we ride in a vehicle, our bodies move along with the car, and if the car suddenly stops, either braking or crashing into a tree, our bodies inside keep moving forward, as the bodies want to do. That’s what causes injuries; our bodies keep moving forward and we can hit the seat belt (if we’re lucky) or the dash (if we’re unlucky).

We understand inertia as a basic concept of physics, but if we’ve ever been in a bind, we probably also understand it as a way of thinking. The word is often used in this metaphorical sense. We blame our own inertia when we stay in a job, relationship, or environment that no longer serves us well.

I once had a person that I was working with, and she was too busy. Her business was causing suffering in her relationships and in her emotional life, and it was even causing her physical pain. My advice to her was not something new that she had never heard before; Her friends had been telling her the same thing for a long time. Anyone could see that she was too busy and that she needed to slow down.

It is so for many people. We keep going, going, going, and in doing so we often fail to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the beauty that life has to offer.

He left our session with his typical response: “Yes, yes, yes.” I wanted a different answer, a different option, but deep down I think I knew that slowing down was the right choice. She just wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

The following week he came to see me and had a heartbreaking story to tell. I had left my office and was driving down the highway at high speed because I was in a hurry, as usual. Suddenly, the truck next to him blew out a tire. Suddenly he swerved into her lane and she slammed on the brakes just in time. That truck came within inches of killing her.

Because the universe sometimes likes to deliver messages that are far from subtle, when he looked over the side of the truck’s trailer, he saw written in large, bold letters the words “Slow down.” It was the same message that I and others had been sharing with her, but now she was ready to receive it. She had reached an impasse, almost literally, and she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

That woman’s life got much better after that point. She got the message and found ways to get out of the literal and figurative fast lanes.

Not everyone is so lucky. I know of another woman who sought counseling because she was in a dysfunctional relationship. The man she was dating had hit her many times. The man was in jail but he would be out soon. My colleague told her that it was absolutely necessary for her to stay away from her for her own safety. This was a situation that could end badly, perhaps with injury or even death.

The woman didn’t like that answer, even though she had heard it many times from many sources. Many people had told this beautiful woman to stay away from her boyfriend, but she didn’t like that answer and she decided not to follow her.

Turns out the man I was in a relationship with got out of jail, and this woman picked him up and took him home with her. That same day, he ended up killing her.

When we have struggles, we want answers. Often, however, the answer is very clear. It’s within us, and we might even see it, but we choose not to acknowledge it, because that’s not an answer we’re ready to accept yet.

The answer to our problems may be obvious to everyone around us and even to ourselves, but we still reject it. We want a different answer.

Sometimes we suffer horribly from our refusal to recognize the clear answer to our problems. Occasionally, like with my colleague’s client, our refusal can cost us our lives. Sometimes it can cause unhappiness, but aren’t we here to have a good life? Happiness is our purpose and our birthright. We deserve it.

One of my favorite family members moved into a retirement community a few years ago, and shortly after, her husband passed away. This woman understood that she needed to move on if she wanted to embrace the happy life that she deserved. I visited her a few months later and she was doing very well. She became actively involved with others and participated in a support group for grieving spouses.

This dear family member told me that he knew that many people did not fare well when a spouse passed away. They could isolate themselves, or even drink too much, and risk never going out. “I had so many beautiful years with him and I miss him,” he confessed, “but I have many years left and I want to live them.”

When faced with a problem, we need to take a moment to define it. What exactly are we fighting? Whether it’s a relationship problem, a career problem, a psychological or spiritual problem, or something else entirely, we need to assess it as soon as we recognize it exists. Time is of the essence if we want to get back to the important work of cultivating happiness in our lives.

After defining it, we need to start collecting information about it. What is the potential solution? What can we do to solve our problem and move on?

There are many steps we can take to find a solution. Here are a few I’ve had success with:

• Talking with friends. Often our loved ones see our situation more clearly than we do and may have advice we haven’t considered. However, we must be careful; Friends’ perspectives are valuable up to a point, but we are living our only life and should take others’ perspectives with a grain of salt.
• Talk to professionals. A counselor, a minister, a life coach – there are people whose job it is to listen to what we say and then help us see aspects of our problem that we might not otherwise have recognized. It can be tremendously helpful to see someone who can offer an objective point of view.
• Reading books. Walk into a large bookstore and chances are good that you’ll find an entire section of books related to your specific problem, whether it’s living a fast-paced life, entering into a negative relationship, losing a spouse, or any other problem. . Others have found a way out; you don’t need to reinvent the wheel to discover a solution that works for you.
• Newspaper. I am amazed at the wisdom that emerges when we hold a pen in our hand and move it across the page. If we come to the experience of journaling without expectations or preconceived notions, we may find that we are writing ourselves a very wise set of instructions, almost magically. Sometimes I feel like someone is guiding my pen from the other side of the page. Wisdom emerges, and it’s hard to tell where it came from. I think it must have come from deep inside, where the answers live.
• Make a list of pros and cons. With any big decision in life, it’s helpful to make a list of the pros and cons of a possible decision. The pros may be obvious; if we slow down, we are likely to be healthier and happier. But the downsides can seem pretty big. My client felt that if she slowed down, he would miss out on opportunities, lose revenue, and miss out on opportunities that were available to her. My colleague’s client must have felt that if she broke up with her abusive boyfriend, she would miss out on the good parts of the relationship: the companionship, the help, the support, and more. But putting the pros and cons in columns can show us that there are good and bad things in any decision, and this allows us to have a clear mind in our decision making.
• Looking inside our own mind. There’s something funny I’ve noticed about finding the right solution to a problem. It never seems strange or unexpected. The fact is, you usually know what to do, and if you listen to your own still, small voice, the answer will be there waiting for you. The solution is almost always available within us.

That last point deserves further reflection, because it is the heart of the problem we are exploring. The fact is that the simple solution to any problem has always been there, and when our hearts are ready, we will do what we have to do. But while the solution may be simple, choosing it doesn’t feel so simple. It takes time, effort, energy, and the support of loved ones.

It’s so easy for inertia to take over. Living without intention, we can continue on the same path, in the same direction, at the same speed, without the sensation of gravity or friction to slow us down. But we need to slow down, assess the situation, and listen to the loving voice within us that appreciates us and wants us to be healed and happy. Maybe it’s a message from the universe, and maybe God writes it on the side of a truck, if we need the universe to be that literal. But with self-reflection and self-confidence, we can hear that whisper. We can begin to feel what we need to do to live the life we ​​deserve.

If we make the decision that our hearts advise us to make, we will find that our lives keep getting better and better. We will continue to find ways to make our lives more beautiful, happier, and more peaceful, every day.