Last week we talked about how we look forward to our marriage to this wonderful person and want to live “happily after ever.” We got married believing that this relationship would last the rest of our lives. We admire and honor those who have stayed married their entire adult lives. Too often, however, we forget about that euphoria and start treating our partner as the enemy to be controlled, changed, or eliminated. Why do the Pharisees (and so many of us) try to excuse our divorces? Why do we try to pretend that breaking up a marriage is no big deal? After all, everyone does it and it’s easier to get divorced than to try to solve our problems. What does Jesus teach about divorce and why we should not end our marriage?
Someone told me that this title, The Dangers of Divorce, is negative. It should have a more positive title. So I’m sure divorce is dangerous. It is dangerous for husbands, wives, parents, children, relatives, friends, God, your church… Let’s see what Jesus says.
In Matthew 19:7-12; Mark 10:10-12, Jesus continues his response to the Pharisees, who are trying to justify their divorces. Just like us today when we try to justify our sin in the hope that we won’t be held accountable for doing something we know is wrong. He will not allow them to dishonor the Mosaic Law to justify his own sinful disregard for God’s commandments regarding marriage. This may seem like a lot of attention to just a few verses, but considering the state of marriage in much of the world today, I believe we need to come face to face with God and learn to honor his way with our marriages.
Divorce is not God’s plan – Matthew 19:7-8
The Pharisees continue to press Jesus with their claim that Moses gave them the command to divorce their wives. Jesus tells them that they have taken the Law totally out of context. The reason they divorced their wives is because they had married women from other nations and religions that God knew would lead them away from following him. They were taking the Law out of context to justify their sin. They were taking part of it out of context and ignoring what God had said more than once about the sanctity and permanence of marriage. God never intended for them to divorce his Jewish wives. God always says that marriage is for life.
Like the Pharisees, we often try to bend God’s laws to justify our selfish actions. Divorce means I don’t trust God in my marriage. The fact is that couples who get divorced end up with more problems than if they had stayed married and worked on their affairs. If you ask God to teach you to love your spouse, you will learn to overcome those areas of conflict and find understanding, resolution, love, and commitment.
Divorce means you don’t know how to love. If your spouse was good enough to get married, he is good enough to stay married (unless he committed adultery and was unrepentant). It’s interesting how a couple wants God to be at their wedding ceremony, but they don’t mind having him in their marriage. And then, when communication breaks down and love hides behind anger and selfishness, divorce is chosen as the solution instead of turning to God and trying to let him go back to marriage.
divorce is sin – Matthew 19:9; Mark 10:10-12
Jesus continues his response that divorcing your wife for any reason other than infidelity (her having sexual relations with someone else) and then marrying someone else is a sin. In the same way, it is just as wrong for the husband to have sex outside of marriage as it is for the wife.
Those who have been divorced must face music. Divorce means you are selfish. Divorce means that you are not a person of your word. Divorce means that I do not respect the sexual relationship between me and my spouse, nor the promise to be left alone with her. (This is now always applicable in a “no-fault” state, but often contributes even in those locations.)
Having sex with someone you are not married to is a violation of God’s standards for sexual intercourse in marriage. Sex is the most intimate way a man and a woman can express their love for each other. That’s partly why it’s called “going all the way.” There is nothing more personal, totally devoted and intimate than sexual union. Violating that by having sex with someone other than your spouse is like spitting in God’s face. It is showing that you do not respect Him or your spouse. In the same way, to look at another woman lustfully is to violate the promise you made to your wife. You promised to stay with her and only her. To look longingly at another woman is to violate that promise!
Divorce Tolerated (Not the Unforgivable Sin) – Matthew 19:10-12
The Apostles come to Jesus after this comment and suggest that since marriage is so serious and divorce is so bad, it is not even worth getting married. No matter what we do, we are doomed. They are thinking that almost anything you do will be sin or lead to sin, so why even try? Jesus warns them that marriage is not for everyone, nor is celibacy.
Divorce is certainly a sin, especially when accompanied by a new marriage. However, it is not inexcusable. At the same time, it is neither necessary nor important for a person to get married (as long as they remain celibate). As much value as we place on marriage and having children, not everyone is so inclined. Some people are satisfied enough without a partner. Some are in professions that would make a marriage difficult or dangerous to maintain and do not want to put that danger or risk of their own death on a spouse. There are also some who are so hurt by their parents or some other event in their life that marriage does not appeal to them at all. If you get married, remember that it is for life. We may think that divorce is not looked down upon as in the past, but this is not God’s design for you and your spouse. Marriage is for life.
God bless you and have a great week!
