Having an STD can be scary. You know what’s even scarier? The stigma that accompanies it.

Actually, I don’t. But what was your first thought? Did your opinion of me change? I ask, because this is a very real situation that many have to deal with on a daily basis. Let’s talk about the stigma.

Let me start with a quick story that happened to me. About 30 years ago I worked as a crisis counselor for HIV/AIDS communities. And while many of my clients had multiple health problems and co-occurring disorders, it seemed like a lot of people wanted to know what it was like to work with someone with AIDS. While it’s true that I entered the era of AIDS at a time {late 1980s/early 1990s} when we were still learning about modes of transmission and pathology, there was a stigma attached to it that scared, annoyed, and downright pissed off people. some people. I can remember at an AIDS march in Washington DC, there was a church group yelling the vilest things at us as we marched peacefully. I think that’s when I realized how powerful the stigma was.

But one day, my good friend asked me if we could have lunch together. Since he was always willing to eat, I accepted his invitation. I realized that something was weighing heavily on his mind. After we got our table they said they had something they really needed to tell me. He was preparing me for the worst. It was at that moment that they revealed that they had Herpes. Without hesitation my answer was… “So”? They said “That’s it”. That they just needed me to know. I breathed out feeling relieved. Not sure where they came from? They explained that they had been charging for some time and were afraid of being judged. All I could think and say was “You know I’ve been an HIV/AIDS counselor for a decade. What makes you think I would judge you”?

What surprised me the most is how small they felt. The fact that the population I was serving was {at the time} considered marginalized as the addiction population, I was surprised that they thought herpes would cause a lawsuit on my part. It did not. However, it opened my eyes to the stigma and judgment felt by people who share these illnesses on a day-to-day basis.

We are a culture of blame, finger pointing and shame. We don’t look at someone with cancer and pass judgment. We also don’t do it when someone has epilepsy. But when it comes to addictions, sexually transmitted diseases, and even obesity, opinions seem to change. It’s almost as if these people don’t deserve compassion.

A few years ago I was part of a group company that was going to provide methadone to addicts in their environment. It was a mobile Methadone center. I was being interviewed by one of the local newspapers and they asked me as the chaplain’s staff, “What was my plan to convert these people?” My first thought was “These people?”. I just bit my tongue and said, “I’m not here to convert you. I’m here to love you.” I’m not sure why we feel the need to convert, shame, or judge people who need help.

I think the takeaway from my experiences is that people get sick. Some by chance, and as some would say by choice. Bad things happen. And sometimes horrible things happen. Stigma and judgment play no role in healing or changing behavior for the better. When I remember when my friend was afraid to tell me about herpes, despite knowing what he did for a living, he made it real for me. Being sick is scary. Being sick and being judged is downright scary.

We can do better. We must do better. Mental health, addictions, obesity or AIDS, we have the power to create an environment that is conducive to healing. Because at no time in my 30+ years of working in mental health have I seen anyone make healthy changes because of judgment. Acceptance, education, and compassion pave the way to change, health, and recovery.