February is the month of Valentine’s Day, a time when popular culture forces you, in any way, to focus more on your relationship, which may not develop as well as it used to. In fact, it can even be an annoying source of tension for both of you. Here are several strategies, drawn from my new book “400 Ways to Stop Stress Now … and Forever!” which can help you ease the chill and restore some vitality and sparkle to your love life.

Put affection back in your relationship.

A small amount of affection can melt days, months, even years of tension, distance, and discord between you and your partner. Take the initiative, swallow your pride and rekindle the affection it once gave you. A reassuring hand on the shoulder, a simple kiss, a gentle hug are good places to start. Continue, even if it is not immediately returned or recognized. Over time, a thaw will occur and warmth and intimacy is likely to ensue. A daily dose of affection can often soothe what words cannot.

Don’t let your marriage turn into a quarrel for life.

Marriage is not a competition to see whose ways and points of view ultimately win. If you adopt that attitude, always trying to prove that you are right and the other is wrong, expect a life of tension and discord. Instead, welcome your partner’s feedback and perspective, work together to achieve goals, and know when it’s more important to go back than to get your way. (How would you like to waste all your time?) See marriage as sharing, not hoarding, and your days are sure to be happier and stress-free.

Give a gift when there is no reason to.

Yes, it’s fun to give gifts on birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. But isn’t it more or less necessary, or at least expected? And are we not celebrating the event more than the person? Give someone a gift when you are NOT expecting it. See how good it will make you both feel. The best part is that gifts of this nature can be small and inexpensive and still have a wonderful effect. Because it is a genuine expression of friendship, love or appreciation. And it refocuses attention on who, rather than what, is important in life. So stop in every now and then and pick up a surprise gift.

Spend time with each other.

Are you too busy to be a husband? Wife? Lover? Relationships are often frustrated in the hustle and bustle of daily life. In fact, they are often the first to be pushed aside, often to make room for the most insignificant things. That is taking each other too much for granted. You risk having your intimacy fade and your relationship withering away. Keep both of them well nourished. Set aside a little time each week to spend together, just the two of you. Make it inviolable, obligatory, and go out and have fun. Strong relationships stay strong by building essential time for each other. Why let yourself down?

Have more fun in bed.

So advised a popular mattress ad. And they were right. You don’t need a study (like the one mentioned below) to tell you that a healthy sex life can reduce stress. As much as the lack of sex can aggravate it. But today, with our busy schedules and relentless ambitions, sex for many couples has become little more than an afterthought. Sometimes it is completely overlooked. Obviously, this is not healthy for the relationship. Which adds up to even more stress. Now, the study. According to the Royal Hospital of Edinburgh, a healthy sex life can make you look up to seven years younger, lead to greater satisfaction, and help you sleep better. Why argue? Light the candle, draw the curtains and … Why go crazy?