Our portrayal of sex is obviously suited to those seeking the emotional security that they can easily please a lover. Women like to hear orgasm claims that make them more attractive to men. The only reason men care about female orgasm is because they attribute a woman’s orgasm to her own sexual prowess during intercourse. Although most women refuse to comment on sex or orgasm, men like to hear about their supposed orgasms. Men interpret the female orgasm as the acceptance of sexual intercourse by women. But orgasm is a selfish pleasure that a person enjoys because she is aroused. It has nothing to do with pleasing a lover, except perhaps in the case of gay men who may be aroused by their lover’s erection and ejaculation.
When women see porn actresses supposedly having orgasms, some of them naturally assume that such performances reflect the reality of some women. The idea that they can please men so easily validates them or makes them feel good about themselves. But pornography consists of masculine arousals produced by men. It has nothing to do with how a woman reaches orgasm on her own.
Some men enjoy sharing their fantasies. They look for women with whom to share these fantasies. This is because men get turned on by talking about sex. Women are not turned on in the same way. So women don’t have the same incentive to talk about sex, whether in reality or in fantasy. If a woman tells her partner about her masturbatory activities or her fantasies, he may interpret this as exciting and assume that she wants to have sex. Stories of female orgasms turn men on and usually come from men.
Men enjoy the pleasures of being the penetrator, including:
• gain release from sexual frustration;
• enjoy the pleasures of psychological domination; Y
• the territorial pleasures of ejaculating.
The implication, however, is that these pleasures pale in comparison to the pleasure women are supposed to derive from their supposed orgasms with a lover. The female orgasm is presumed to equal the pleasure of the male orgasm plus all these combined pleasures of being a penetrator. How is rape supposed to be a problem? No wonder men are confused.
When a man is aroused, he may ooze a clear fluid (commonly known as “precum”) from the tip of his penis. A man is excited, but this does not mean that the two phenomena are connected. Similarly, vaginal lubrication is produced when a woman masturbates alone, even more so as she ages. But the function of vaginal lubrication is to facilitate intercourse (and reproduction). It is not a sign that a woman is necessarily close to orgasm.
Women often describe relationship factors when referring to their arousal. Such feelings not to lead to orgasm. If a woman is going to experience orgasm, she must consciously focus her mind on explicitly erotic scenarios. Many women only have romantic fantasies. Romantic fantasies include thoughts of having sex with a real or imagined man, but do not focus on the close genital activity of penetrative sex. Most women only experience emotional or romantic dreams if they dream about sex.
For a man, sex (ie intercourse) equals orgasm. A man only wants to have sex when he knows (or is reasonably sure) that he will have an orgasm. This is the difficulty men have in accepting that women have sex without ever reaching orgasm. For a man it is unthinkable that he does not have an orgasm when practicing penetrative sex.
Orgasm is known to be a response of the human body. Everyone seems happy with the proposition that while men reach orgasm by stimulating the penis, women can reach orgasm by stimulating various parts of their anatomy, for example the vagina and clitoris. What does this mean? Does it mean that a woman can orgasm by stimulating her vagina one time and her clitoris the next? Or does it mean that some women reach orgasm by stimulating the clitoris and others by stimulating the vagina?
Either way, the implication is that women have developed two very different paths to orgasm. There is no rational explanation of how this variable mechanism would have evolved. Since men do not have a vagina, it is very unlikely that the vagina evolved as a sexual organ only in women. The implication is that women developed a capacity that has no reproductive function. This conclusion is neither logical nor scientific.
The position a woman assumes when she masturbates to orgasm is different than the positions we see in porn. Women are shown masturbating by tickling their vulva while facing the audience because this provides the best display for male viewers. Cunnilingus is supposed to provide exquisite pleasure, but in reality there are few sensations for a woman.
The majority of women around the world do not have orgasms during intercourse: in fact, female sexual dysfunctions are popular because they are based on something that does not exist, that is, the vaginal orgasm. (Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo 2014)
