As we move into the second millennium, more and more people are dating and falling in love with partners they have met at work. However, dealing with Cupid in the workplace can be quite a complicated affair because these romances have both positive and negative effects on job performance.
A growing body of research has explored this phenomenon. A study by Robert E. Quinn reported that more than 60% of the people surveyed were either aware of an office romance or had been involved in one. A more recent study by Lisa Mainiero, found in her book, Office Romance: Love, Power, and Sex in the Workplace, puts the figure at 76%.
These romances seem to be on the rise as people spend more and more time in the office and don’t have time to socialize outside of work like they used to. They are also attracted to those people who share the same daily stresses and successes as they do.
The bottom line is that you spend a lot of time with someone who attracts you physically and emotionally, these things happen, whether they are planned or not. There are many different reasons why people have affairs at the office. Some just want a simple adventure without emotional attachments; others seek more serious romances; And some, to be blunt, are just looking for a promotion or a raise.
These types of issues can have both positive and negative consequences not only for the job performance of the two people involved, but also affect the attitudes and performance of the people who work with or around the partner.
Quinn’s study found that, in just over 10% of cases, romances appeared to result in greater coordination, better teamwork, and increased productivity. Nearly a third of their respondents reported negative effects such as slower decision making, lower morale, and lower productivity.
Given these types of potential risks and benefits, if you’re considering having an office romance, you need to carefully weigh the pros and cons. Imagine what the best and worst scenarios could be. Could you live with the worst case scenario? If your job was at stake because of your romance, would you be willing to end the relationship or be transferred? Wouldn’t you regret it? Be sure to also examine how the relationship will affect your partner’s career.
You also need to ask yourself how the relationship at its peak would affect your ability to get the job done. How would it affect your co-workers? Would they be positive and supportive of the relationship or try to undermine it?
Of course, one’s heart tends to lead in such matters, but you, at the very least, must be aware of the possible consequences. These things should not be taken lightly.
If you are already in a relationship at work, the following steps are recommended to manage the relationship. The first thing to consider is whether or not you are willing to go public with the relationship. In Quinn’s study, two-thirds of the people involved in an office romance tried to keep it a secret. However, most of the people surveyed were well aware that an affair was in fact occurring. In other words, they will probably find out anyway. By being upfront about it, you can more effectively deal with the feelings your manager (s) and coworkers are likely to have anyway.
Mainiero suggests that you might consider writing a contingency plan with your partner on how each of you will handle the relationship and how it will resolve itself if it ends. You must deal in a simple way with the possible emotional consequences of the relationship.
It is also recommended that you take special care in how you relate to your partner when you work together. Don’t express intimate feelings or use “pet” names at work. Avoid touching your partner in a suggestive way. Don’t schedule long lunches together or after-hours meetings in the office with just the two of you. Keep your office door open when you’re together. Make sure your manager and coworkers see that your work is getting done and that the relationship is not having a negative effect on your productivity.
If you are a manager who has learned of an office relationship, you should not shy away from the problem. Quinn’s survey found that more than half of the managers who knew about an office romance did nothing about it.
The best thing to do in this situation is to discuss it openly with the two people involved. However, you must approach participants with sensitivity and empathy. Interview each person separately. Ask open-ended questions and allow them to speak. Very often, one or both partners are happy to bring it up because they realize that they have entered a difficult situation.
If they decide they want to continue the romance, you should focus solely on their job performance. Make sure they are aware of the possible consequences of your relationship; that is, if their job performance begins to suffer, they could be reprimanded, transferred, or fired. Explore with them the ways in which they should be cautious. Lastly, don’t forget to review the situation periodically with them.
Quinn’s study recognizes that when firing occurs, women are twice as likely to be fired as men. Be especially careful not to make the woman the scapegoat or you may face a wrongful termination lawsuit.
Love in the office can be very difficult for everyone concerned. You really can’t ban it. All you can do is try to be honest and open about it. That can be of great help in solving the problems that arise when confronting Cupid in the office.
