Free will can take us far but not infinitely beyond our genetic limits. We can stretch like a rubber band can stretch, but only to a point. It’s as if Stephen King is never going to be Stephen Colbert, no matter how much he polishes his comic delivery, and Stephen Colbert can never be Stephen King, no matter how much time he spends just writing. A person’s preference for stimulation turns out to be a defining characteristic, and once you realize your own preferences, you can begin to intentionally place yourself in environments that are favorable to your own temperament, neither over-stimulating nor under-stimulating, neither boring nor stressful. By paying attention to the range of preferences in your life and that of your family, you can harness greater energy and fulfillment.
Although people can push themselves beyond the limits of their temperament, it’s often best to sit squarely within our own unique sweet spot. Too much stimulation makes you feel like you can’t think straight, it makes people slack their tongues, and it’s the feeling when you’ve had enough and want to go home. Lack of stimulation is something like cabin fever: you feel idle, restless, sluggish, like not enough is happening and it’s time to get out of the house.
It is too simplistic to say that we should always look for moderate levels of stimulation. After all, excited fans at a soccer game crave more stimulation, while people who visit spas to relax seek low levels, and confusingly, high levels of stimulation measured in the brain don’t always correlate with how we feel. There are also many different kinds of stimulation: Loud music is not the same as mortar fire, which is not the same as presiding over a meeting. Also, you may be more sensitive to one form of stimulation than another, and some of us seem to enjoy stimulation more than others.
We naturally search for our own sweet spot of optimal stimulation, and we do it without much awareness. It is a dynamic process. Imagine yourself contentedly sitting under an arbor of grapes reading a fantastic novel. This is a sweet spot, but after half an hour, you realize you’ve read the same sentence five times. Now you’re understimulated, so you call a friend to go for coffee. In other words, you increase your stimulation level. As you laugh and talk, you’re back, thank goodness, within your sweet spot. However, this pleasant state lasts only until your friend (who needs more stimulation than you do) convinces you to accompany her to a party, where you are faced with loud music, plates of food, alcohol, and a room full of strangers. . The people seem friendly enough, but you feel pressured to make small talk over the blare of music. Now, bam, just like that, you’ve moved away from your sweet spot, except this time you’re overstimulated.
Recognizing the role stimulation plays in your own actions and emotions is a powerful tool, and you will now have a much better understanding of the dynamics between too much and too little. Once you’re in tune with your temperament in terms of stimulation, you can design your office, home, and social life for as long as possible within your sweet spot. People who inhabit their sweet spots most of the time gain the ability to stretch when they want to, work with people in more helpful ways, and change parts of their environment that exhaust them.
