If you’re human, you’ve probably asked yourself the question, why do we fail before we succeed? Unfortunately, some of us stop halfway through the question and only get to why did we fail? Life experiences have taught me that failure is inevitable. It’s the universe’s way of helping us live a more empowered life. I know it sounds crazy right? It was probably the craziest thought I could think of, it would ever cross my mind; particularly after one of my “biggest failures”, my divorce. It’s funny, how I still take possession of it. Did you just notice how I wrote my divorce as if I was the only one getting divorced? Some clothes are difficult to break. Even as I write, I am learning. But I’m drifting back to my “woe is me” story.

The mistake

It was 1995 and I was 25 years old. I was blessed with a beautiful two-year-old son, a senior administrative job in hospitality, great friends, and apparently all was right with the world. Except it wasn’t. My personal life was falling apart. Some things had happened to me as a woman that I never thought would happen to me. How did this happen, I wanted to scream. How did I become an ex-wife, a single mother, and worse, why was my son in a single-family home, going back and forth between his parents every other weekend? Never in a million years could I have imagined that this would be my life. That same year my best friend got married. So I had to be really happy for her and focus on her beautiful day while my heart had shattered into a million little pieces.

At this point in my “perfect life”, I was supposed to have a home, a white picket fence. My beautiful son, a loving husband and a dog. Maybe two dogs. But here I was, unhappily single and trying to figure out what would happen next. I sure don’t have to explain the roller coaster of emotions that happens after a “supposed failure” in life. Tips for depression, sadness, anger, tears. Sometimes to cope we find ourselves in addiction. Addicted to anything from illegal drugs, legal drugs, alcohol, binge shopping, binge eating and more. Whatever, in despair and hopelessness, we can find all kinds of vices to get into. Whatever we can find in the moment to temporarily ease the pain, we find ourselves clinging to it, often adoring it.

The revelation

It was during one of these moments of crisis that I had this amazing epiphany. The revelation that failure is life’s way of empowering me. Helping me understand my strengths, challenging me to take back my power. You see, I had given my power to the word failure. My entire life, all of my accomplishments up to that point, as well as all that would come after, were wrapped up in one life event. A supposed failure. Divorce!!! Seriously, how could my life end after a divorce? And while I can be accommodating about that now, I understand if you still can’t smile through your pain. I understand if you are in the throat of depression, sadness and anger. I understand! But you don’t have to be. Your hopelessness doesn’t have to last as long as mine. I want to give you what no one was able to give me. I want to give you hope. I want you to know that you are not a failure just because things didn’t go the way you planned. It doesn’t have to be divorce; could be anything in life. Any event in life that doesn’t happen the way we think it should. Trust me when I say that there is nothing in life that hope and faith cannot conquer. I have to tell you, as the revelation of how life was challenging me, empowering me, becoming clearer as the days passed, I found myself laughing out loud. Feeling my strength come alive. Wishing my fighting muscles get stronger. Fighting daily with the negative thoughts that plagued my soul, and finally winning the battle and conquering all the thoughts that were fighting against my mind.

That empowering moment was a turning point for me. It was the moment I made the decision that I would seek to learn the lesson from every event in life, whether labeled as good or bad. I was determined to find the lesson and never again give my power to the word failure.

success through failure

Today, I am happily married. I have a beautiful husband sent by God. Someone who loves me through all my things. I finally have a partner and a friend. I have a wonderful family life. Everything I expected back then now I have. It took some time. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to go through a few things. There are some scars. Some injuries. Some breads. But they don’t hurt anymore. They are there as a reminder. They remind me how wonderful life is. They remind me of what I am capable of. They remind me that I wasn’t made to break.

So now, when asked why we have to fail before we can succeed, I can answer honestly and without hesitation that failure is a way of preparing for what’s to come. Failure is our strength training. Strengthen our muscles to be able to carry all the success of tomorrow. He gives us life lessons to learn and share. Due to failure, we become masters. Because of failure, we become humble. Because of failure, we become wise. Because of failure, we become grateful. Because of failure, we can now succeed.

How do you live a life empowered through failure?

Empowered living comes from empowered thoughts. It is not about the fact that you have failed and most likely will fail again. Empowered Living is the complete opposite. It is embracing failures. It is embracing adversity. It is choosing to accept what is and being determined to take back your power by reframing the event in your mind. It’s getting up after being knocked down. It’s dusting yourself off and standing tall with your head up knowing you weren’t made to break. Living with power is giving yourself permission not to be perfect. And when the flaws start to show, you smile all the same, knowing that tomorrow will be a brighter day. Another lesson learned, another empowering moment to absorb. Another empowering moment to teach.

Do you have an empowering moment about failure and success to share? We’ve all had them. The key is to remember and remind ourselves how we felt in that moment when we took our power back. It’s those thoughts. That sensation. That energy that will allow you to live your best life. Your best empowered life!