Just when you think you’ve finally made contact and he or she is responding to your emails and phone calls, your ex suddenly starts filtering your calls and then answers them later or texts instead of calling back. The next thing you know, he is not even replying to your emails or text messages. But when you call him your ex, he seems very happy and the conversation is very friendly. But you never hear from him or her again. No text messages, no emails, no phone calls, no nothing.

You call and he or she never answers the phone, leaves messages, and never gets a call. After several calls and messages left, you finally make it. And surprise! He or she is very happy to hear from you and the conversation becomes very friendly and even flirtatious again. But deep down you’re going completely crazy over your ex’s game!

Men and women who actively or passively play these types of games do so out of a (false) sense of power that is nurtured by exploiting people’s fear of being deprived of something they urgently need. By creating an artificial “scarcity”, the person controls the one who is afraid of being deprived.

If your ex still has residual resentment and anger related to things that happened in the relationship or during and after the breakup, they may not want to feel helpless and helpless again. By playing these games, your ex is trying to see how much power / control they can have over you. The more intense emotions followed by lower emotions it can provoke in you, regardless of the emotions that are provoked, the more power / control your ex feels over you.

You have three ways to deal with your ex’s game:

1. You can tell your ex “I’m not going to waste time with someone who doesn’t answer my emails / text messages and doesn’t bother to call me once in a while. Bye.”

This stops the power play by cutting it directly at the source. The downside to this is that you risk losing your ex once again.

2. You can tell your ex “I really enjoy your emails / texts / talking to you / spending time with you, but it seems like you have more important things to do. Let me know when you have time for me.”

If the message is conveyed convincingly, it will neutralize the power play strategy because what you are doing is taking away the source of control from your ex. By giving up whatever your ex is trying to deprive you of: attention (time and effort). The message you are sending is “I enjoy your attention, but I don’t NEED it as much.”

But sometimes even this may not work if you can’t move on and give up your fear of deprivation. At best, your attempts will be seen as bluffing and, at worst, as a counter-power play.

3. You can say to your ex “Look, I really enjoy your emails / texts / talking to you / spending time with you, but I also realize that you need your own space and time alone. But you can at least …

… email / text me every three days to let me know how you are doing. It will reassure me to know that you are okay. “

… let me call you once a week. It would be nice to catch up on the events of the week.

… spend every other Saturday night with me. It would be nice to get to know each other again and do fun things together, again.

This changes the interaction from a control mode to a cooperative mode. It is not a defensive or provocative maneuver because what you are offering in a win-win situation.

For this to work, you need a creative mind, a lot of patience, and the willingness to make a step-by-step positive influence. But of course, if your ex is so determined to play with you and doesn’t really care about you, or even doesn’t want to be with you again, even this won’t work.

In short, don’t get swept up in power games. I know, easy said than done. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid the temptation to turn the tables and play like a gamer. The problem with this is that playing mind games only leads to more games and things usually end badly, plus it keeps you off balance and perpetually insecure.

By refusing to touch “Gotcha, You SOB” or “” Gotcha, You B *** H “and instead choosing a new and different way to interact, you set a tone that changes the dynamics of how you relate to each other.

If you respond in a disciplined, consistent, and positive manner, your ex’s attitude toward you will slowly begin to change.

If you are interested in learning how to deal with your ex’s sometimes angry, indifferent, or hostile behavior towards you, you may want to check out my e-book: Dating Your Ex: What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow, And The Next Day To get your ex back