I’d like to say that I remember my first experience on the London Underground like it was yesterday, but truth be told, even though it was only a year ago, I was too intoxicated to remember any of it. I was on a 3 week holiday in the UK visiting friends. We had done the traditional bar crawl, which led me to take the “crawling” part too literally. I woke up the next morning to an interesting time frame of the previous night’s events captured in a collection of high-resolution images on my mobile phone. I appeared in most of the images so clearly that it couldn’t have been me who took the photos.
After stumbling into my friend’s apartment, I noticed a note on the kitchen counter that read: “Well done mate, you managed to break more laws in one night than we have in a whole year’s stay in the UK. We had to go to work today.” so make yourself at home and if you want to venture out, use the London Underground. We gave you a full rundown of how to navigate last night.” Of course, I wanted to venture out, but I had no idea what they were. means give me a full rundown of how to get around.
After taking care of the mother of all hangovers, I hit the streets of London and walked until I saw signs for the London Underground. He entered one of the stations and was hit by at least four people. I eventually managed to find a bench, so I quickly sat down and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. I almost felt like I was invisible or something. I noticed a coffee stall right there on the London Underground and figured that would work. I quickly ran towards the stall while carefully dodging the people who seemed completely oblivious to my presence. I bought a very hot cup of coffee and was about to take a sip when I was bumped into again, spilling coffee all over the person who bumped into me. Then, as quick as lightning, he spouted off a rather colorful series of words and sentences that sounded like absolute gibberish to me. Obviously, with my total hangover, I was a bit slow and couldn’t understand his cockney accent. So instead I spouted gibberish that sounded like it came straight out of a Star Wars episode with “Jabba the Hutt.” The poor guy looked at me like he was a mental patient, shook his head, and walked away. This was all too much for me, I was standing there wondering what was going on in this place, I’m in England, surely I should listen to people speak English? Eventually, I decided to retire to a familiar environment, my friend’s apartment. I ended up staying there all day until they came home from work.
To help adventurous “Tube Virgins” navigate the London Underground. I’ve compiled some quick tips to help you avoid getting into precarious situations.
Surviving the London Underground:
1. Londoners aren’t the friendliest bunch of people, get used to it. Don’t take it personally, it’s not you, it’s them!
2. Don’t smoke anywhere on the London Underground, not even on the platforms.
3. Don’t make it obvious that you are a tourist, the London Underground is full of “vultures” who prey on unsuspecting tourists. For the record, you can NOT buy an iPad for £20! When you open the box, all you’ll find is an iBrick!
4. Get yourself and the Oyster card, great value for money, especially if you’re traveling all day. Also, it makes you look like a regular and not just another tourist.
5. Don’t leave your bags unattended anywhere on the London Underground, the tube security staff lack a sense of humour, they also constantly have to deal with the fact that they weren’t good enough to become real police officers and had to resort to security. to work. This leads them to grow a massive chip on their shoulders.
6. If you find yourself in the presence of a woman who is too friendly and extremely pretty. Whoever happens to be making obvious advances on you, unless you’re George Clooney, she’s probably a “working girl”, an underground London organ-trading mule, needs to borrow some “tuition” money or she’ll She’s escaped her six foot five Jamaican mob boyfriend and she needs your help. The best course of action is to resort to my surefire “Jabba the Hutt” gibberish answer.
7. Try to ride with friends who are well versed in the London Underground so they can show you the ropes until you get used to it.
8. Be alert for pickpockets, especially if you are traveling during rush hour.
9. If you don’t like crowds, stay away from the London Underground during rush hour.
10. The metro doesn’t run 24 hours a day, so be sure to find out what time the last train is for the area you’ll be staying in.
Remember, if you find yourself in the presence of a dubious company on the London Underground, always fall back on the answer “Jabba the Hutt”. Failing that, run like the wind, if you can’t run then drop to the ground, crawl into a fetal position and hope for the best.
